some time has passed since the last post. am glad to say, i am doing something along the pathway of enlightenment now. at least i am doing something and not just cruising along life aimlessly. i wonder what will i do after it is over on 30th of june.

start reading up on my own again? i better pick up the habit i dropped with no shame, what, like few months ago?

i hope the world will be a better place to stay, day after day.

may all beings be well and happy.

sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.

somehow

It feels weird. I can definitely feel the stress. The overwhelming stress. But suddenly what bugs me so much few days back don't seem very massive now. I mean the cranky shift next month. Gonna take it as it comes. Well, quota wise. If I really cannot cope. I will just need to discuss with my preceptors yea? And hope they will understand :) Then about the research, will need the main gist before 6th, before huibing leaves. I am not good in writing up but this gives me a reason to learn. At least I have huibing to discuss with. :) The sudden positivity is shocking yet very welcomed. I have never felt like this before. It reminds me of the ugliness in me this afternoon when I panicked and then got angry at my surroundings over such a small matter. I am so ashamed of myself. In my clinical desk, I will paste more motivational notes such as "Be patient" and "Take one step at a time". Gonna learn to be like Pey Chin. Resilient and persevere. I really need to prep up my mind. I hope I can do it :) Let's hope I can retain this positivity. First thing, first. Log books and application forms :) Ganbatte May all be happy and healthy Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu...

Over a year.

I'd neglected this little corner for more than a year.

But I am back, and I hope to stay.

May all beings be freed from constant sufferings.

I cannot lie by saying the year passed was great.

It wasn't completely butterflies and party and joy.

There were unhappy moments and times which I wish I could really do some face punching.

But I realised I think twice before doing something damaging to the mind, the soul.

Although despite thinking twice, I went on with being evil sometimes.

But it is a start, right?

That I begin to be mindful.

With this effort, I will strive to stay on thinking twice and successfully stop inflicting harm towards others and myself.

I will continue to learn.

Maybe one day, I can finally control my temper.

And perhaps, keep my mouth shut, only to open when necessary.

May all be well and happy.

I always wonder if my giving (any giving) is the generous kind of giving or the non generous kind of giving.

And upon chance, I read up Angeline's archive and stumbled upon this post.

CLICK HERE, PLS

She has done such a good job in posting the script but I never know how to post up comments on her blog. Besides, I want more people to know about this hence, you guys should really read about it.

I think I give out of fear. Therefore, I should train myself to give out a pure heart. Out of true generosity.

I am still in need to recharge from my Bangkok trip. Yes, we did spent lavishly, which is not exactly a good thing to practice. And by watching shows (yes, those shows you have in mind when you picture Thailand), I feel a little regret for boosting the demand for such shows. Anyhow, I experienced them already, and it did give me some lesson that I will try to remember for a lifetime. Never, never ever give up on life and lead the easier track out. Like how Khairy (S-I-L of PM) preached, "Kita jumpa, kita lawan" *chuckles*.

May all be well and happy and healthy.

:)

I, have, nothing, to, say, today.

I just dont think I did well today.

May all be well and happy.

I can breathe when I am here.
At least this place is where I think my salience works best.
I am childish I admit.
And I must refine myself not for anyone's sake but my very own.
I really need to apologize for giving you so much trouble these years.
I know I really need to be more mature.
I need time. That's all.
I am not evading.
I know all you want for me is the best.

See, today I learnt to accept myself as I am but yet I know change is a part of life, unavoidable.
And I shall conquer it with no fear, only with anticipation.

May all be well and happy.
:)

P/S: See. I have failed to post everyday in this blog. But I will change, yes?
:)

I received an email by an old friend yesterday.
It was a forwarded one.
The title was "Kesian budak itu. Manila."
I had bad feeling before browsing the mail page.
I was fortunate those pictures were in thumbnails and weren't too big until I can see all the details.
But it was more than sufficient to churn my stomach.
It was horrible.
So horrible, I had lingering thoughts of the scenes.
No I was not terrified. I am in so much disgust it is inexpressible.
The fate of that little boy was so so sad, I feel for him.

Really. May all be well and happy.