I always wonder if my giving (any giving) is the generous kind of giving or the non generous kind of giving.

And upon chance, I read up Angeline's archive and stumbled upon this post.

CLICK HERE, PLS

She has done such a good job in posting the script but I never know how to post up comments on her blog. Besides, I want more people to know about this hence, you guys should really read about it.

I think I give out of fear. Therefore, I should train myself to give out a pure heart. Out of true generosity.

I am still in need to recharge from my Bangkok trip. Yes, we did spent lavishly, which is not exactly a good thing to practice. And by watching shows (yes, those shows you have in mind when you picture Thailand), I feel a little regret for boosting the demand for such shows. Anyhow, I experienced them already, and it did give me some lesson that I will try to remember for a lifetime. Never, never ever give up on life and lead the easier track out. Like how Khairy (S-I-L of PM) preached, "Kita jumpa, kita lawan" *chuckles*.

May all be well and happy and healthy.

:)

I, have, nothing, to, say, today.

I just dont think I did well today.

May all be well and happy.

I can breathe when I am here.
At least this place is where I think my salience works best.
I am childish I admit.
And I must refine myself not for anyone's sake but my very own.
I really need to apologize for giving you so much trouble these years.
I know I really need to be more mature.
I need time. That's all.
I am not evading.
I know all you want for me is the best.

See, today I learnt to accept myself as I am but yet I know change is a part of life, unavoidable.
And I shall conquer it with no fear, only with anticipation.

May all be well and happy.
:)

P/S: See. I have failed to post everyday in this blog. But I will change, yes?
:)

I received an email by an old friend yesterday.
It was a forwarded one.
The title was "Kesian budak itu. Manila."
I had bad feeling before browsing the mail page.
I was fortunate those pictures were in thumbnails and weren't too big until I can see all the details.
But it was more than sufficient to churn my stomach.
It was horrible.
So horrible, I had lingering thoughts of the scenes.
No I was not terrified. I am in so much disgust it is inexpressible.
The fate of that little boy was so so sad, I feel for him.

Really. May all be well and happy.

I really should not judge a person by his look.
This malay guy was staring at me from top to bottom yesterday in the LRT.
And many ill thoughts went through my mind.
What if he is some kind of rapist or murderer?
What if he robs me?
I even composed a message to be sent to Flora or anyone else just to express my disgust.
Now I actually feel disgusted at myself.
What if he is some good man?
What if he has no bad intention and was merely looking (though at I-don't-know-what)?
I did not practice mindfulness.
I harboured ill feelings and ill thoughts.
I should not have.
Whatever it is, may he be well and happy.
Now I am happy.

May all be well and happy.
:)

I opened my book about an hour ago.
And I stop touching it after opening it.
I went online instead.
Procrastination. So difficult to avoid.

It is really all in my head. If I am strong enough mentally, I could have avoided it.
So, yes. I am not strong enough.
Mindfulness is indeed very important.
Cultivation of the mind should be done everyday.
I remember telling myself to wish everyone well and happy everyday but I did no such thing.
I failed in cultivating my mind.
But failure is always the beginning of success, right?

Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness.
I should stop and think before acting, before speaking.

May all be well and happy.

Alright.
First post, first baby step.
I came across this idea yesterday night before I sleep.
Since I love to blog, and I have always wanted to learn something valuable everyday, I gave birth to this blog here.
The something valuable mentioned are something that has got to do in making me a better person, in making better use of free time, in heighten my knowledge in Buddhism, in enlightening me of the path should be taken.
Do not mistake me as a pious person, for I have no such capability, at least not yet.
My intention is purely simple.
I want to be a better person and I want to learn.
I know how by throwing jargons and spitting out righteously religious statements somehow may irritate some. I have no such motives. I am merely killing two birds with one stone.

Blogging + Initiative to learn Buddhism = This blog

Haha. As easy as that.
Really, I am not the all good person you expect out of such a blog's writer. I am neither perfect nor bad. I am like most of you. I can be mischieveous, I can be as dull as your parents, I can be anything my emotion dictates me to be. I am still controlled by emotions, by feelings, not yet by rationale, not yet by logic.
See? I am just like you, adding the desire to be a better person.

I know, I know. So you think I will not bitch ever again? I will not join the group and so all sort of silly stuffs? Haha. I have yet able to NOT do those.

Buddhism, in my view, is a way of life. It teaches you how to lead a better life. Yet, it doesn't control your life. To emphasize, it aids and guides, instead of demanding you to follow a set of rules. The goal is to do no evil and to be able to achieve the ultimate happiness. Please do correct me if I am wrong. Like I say, I am eager to learn.

So why bow to the Buddha statue? Why the chanting and offerings?
Those are signs of respect. Those are actions to acknowledge that Buddha found the way to achieve the right happiness. And by bowing to Buddha, I am saying, "Yes, You are right. And I respect You for that". Make it easier to understand: It is like you are acknowledging Albert Einstein's contributions to Science by saying, "He was such a brilliant man. He has done a great job in easing our lives now. I admire him. And he inspires me". Only that what Einstein did are not measurable to what Buddha did so you do not bow upon Einstein's image. Get what I mean? LOL.

Gee. I talk like I am a saint, an angel. Macam tahu sangat. Fact is, I don't even know if what I am saying is 100% accurate. Therefore I must learn. LOL.

Right, so what I will do now is to write a phrase, at least, as frequent as I can about something that will hopefully leads me to a greater understanding of Buddhism.

First for this blog, I learnt metta (loving kindness) and I can simply do that by wishing everyone, from the bottom of my heart, that you all will be well and happy. It is a good deed. Makes me feel good and hopefully will be able to make you all feel good too.

So may you be well and happy.

: )